Fable of an Infertile Female: Bounce

The best sound in the world is the sound of a baby laughing.  It is a contagious sound that fills the air, you can’t help but laugh along with them…that is unless you are sitting in a fertility clinic.  I find myself oddly irritated by the babies laughter and the parents gooshy gooey responses.  What I should find inspiring and motivating makes me want to scream or knock someone out.  I can see I am not alone as I look at the faces of other women in the room…it is not heartwarming or loving…it fills the waiting area with anger and sadness.  It is a reminder of what you want but can’t have.

What is interesting is that I only found myself reacting in such a way to babies and toddlers, older kids did not evoke such angst.  Perhaps it is the maternal desire to hold a little one, have one who wants to cuddle back, smell the sweet baby smells, feel needed by a little person and to be loved unconditionally.  There is that visible connection between parents and their babies or toddlers.

Children are pure.  They are not plagued by life’s challenges and toils…when they are the bounce.  As adults we don’t bounce, at least not with the same ease and effortlessness.  These babies and toddlers in the waiting area also make it real  to us that we are fighting with every fiber of our being to just keep it together and make it through the day with out a meltdown (especially with the hormones raging through our bodies).

Babies and toddlers are essentially everything we are and want to be, but we are just not because of biological circumstances.  Loss of control.  Wait and see.  Everything on hold.  A goal that requires putting all your hopes and dreams in the ands of someone else.  This is not an easy thing to do for those of us who are driven and determined to fight for waht we want.  We ar the type who like to maintain a sense of control of self.   We have turned our minds and hearts over and entrusted them to science.  That is a giant leap of faith and hat alone shows that we too have the ability to bounce.

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