It is easy when you are deep into infertility treatments to want to find something or someone to blame. In the early stages of an infertility diagnosis doctors often will run tests to see if the issues are coming from the female, male or both to determine a treatment plan. In this process you find things to “blame” for your troubles. You might blame yourself, your body, or each other.
Blame is a natural part of the grief process. When you learn of an infertility diagnosis you may grieve the loss of the possibility of conceiving naturally. You also face grief each month when you find out that your attempts at becoming pregnant have been unsuccessful. It is especially hard if you invest (emotionally, physically and financially) into a fertility treatment that fails. Even harder yet if you have reason to be hopeful after a positive pregnancy test and you lose the baby.
The important thing as you move through these processes is remember that you and your partner are a team. Each of you may process what is happening differently and it is important to acknowledge that the other person’s way of coping maybe different. Some need comfort and others may need distance. Some may need to talk it out and others may want to just keep plugging forward.
Be empathetic to the others needs, without denying what you need. It is beneficial to have a conversation about how you are coping and what you need so that the other person does not have to guess the best way to support you. It complicates things when you don’t know what the other person needs and they don’t know what you need.
Don’t fall into the trap of the “The Blame Game”.