I personally have never experienced a miscarriage, but I know many who have. I can’t imagine the heartache that you must feel, especially if you fought hard to conceive. One couple I know went though IVF multiple times. Each time she carried until the end of the first trimester and then would miscarry.
Memorial Day is a day of remembrance, but it can also re-trigger grief. Please remember in your time of grieving to think of the hurdles you have overcome. Think of the strength and courage that it has taken to move forward when things get tough. Grief if you need too, but don’t let it consume you. You are strong even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Share your stories of grief and remembrance here if you would like.
I was speaking with a colleague who told me of a coworker who experienced infertility issues. He/she works as Child Protective Services social worker. Her coworker was handed cases for which infants needed to be removed from their homes to keep them safe. My colleague spoke about how this situation was a difficult emotional process for her coworker.
When I was going through IVF the first time I had the opportunity to apply for a position at a group home for pregnant teens who needed support and a place to live. The job sounded like an amazing opportunity, but I knew that I would not be able to look at those young women without feeling some resentment.
When news stories are reported of infants being left in dumpsters, abuse cases, neglect, or other forms of abandonment (excluding adoption cases) it strikes a nerve. How can we fight so hard to have a baby; yet, these women who get pregnant unexpectedly do not know what a blessing they have. The babies are unwanted.
When I finally did conceive via IVF I heard our babies heartbeat for the first time at 6 weeks. I had a course where a classmate presented on abortion and how they terminate pregnancies humanely. Up to that point I had believed in a women’s right to choose (and I still kind of do), but it sure struck a nerve when they were talking about aborting a baby that was further developed than 6 weeks. It is hard to see that little flutter of a heartbeat and not think of that wee one as a person.
There are all sorts of internal struggles that occur when you think of someone who does not want or care for a child that they are physically able to have. Tell us how you have processed some of these thoughts.
Mother’s Day can trigger an emotional response that you had not predicted. I have a message for those of you who wish to be parents, but thus far have not had success. Do not think of Mother’s Day as a time for which you are saddened by the fact you have been unable to grow your little family, but rather celebrate your resilience and strength. Celebrate how you have full-heartedly invested yourself into family building. Be proud of the tremendous amount of strength you have had to survive the great disappointments and keep moving forward. It takes a strong woman to be able to pursue a family through all that we go through. Your strength and resiliency will teach your future child many great values and lessons. Happy Mother’s Day to all the strong women who would give anything to have a baby in their arms on this day. You too are great Mothers.